Somehow, now this has begun to be my life. Days fly by again. This is not a holiday. This is my existence and for as long as I chose it to be, well sort of. The people I meet over and over become my reality and change is a constant. We all fear that blanket getting yanked off but it happens everyday. Usually it is to our own discretion but here the line is much thinner, here you have to have more trust in everyone and everything larger than you. With every action, you can’t help but learn, even if your fence is 10 feet tall and armed with electric wire. Surrender is the only option.
I am amazed to think that I am in my sixth month of travel. I thought I would be missing the creature comforts. Don’t get me wrong, I do, but Iam constantly astounded by each new discovery of the next place I’d knew I’d love. The places seem of less importance now than the main feeling of a gliding guidance. Knowing you are exactly in the spot where you were meant to be, learning the lessons you could only learn at his moment and seeing what only your eyes can see. Now.
I now appreciate solitude without so much guilt. There is nothing to rush for. There is nothing to see, do or meet. No more than any other day. There are temples and treks and water to jump in, people to engage and food to be had. It can’t stop no matter what you do, unless you decide to stop and how often so we ever do just that? Never.
I remember being home and feeling like everything was moving too fast. Life was whirling around me and I was missing something crucial. I wished to just sit and stare at the wall. After a recent thought-provoking conversation with a friend, Jose in Nepal, he proposed doing nothing. Something I had previously considered until being swept up into the newness and thrill of each adventure to be had. When I left, a goal was to get a beach shack with no wi-fi, with little distraction and be alone. Be very alone. Little did I realize there is not much aloneness in India. I have yet to do this more than a day but it is still in the works. I guess you could call that doing nothing towards the plan of doing nothing.
Quitting my job was still the hardest part of this whole process. It goes against everything we think we should do. Especially at my age where my choices were to take more on, be more successful, get a nicer car or to consider myself, my growth in this precious life and work towards a goal of learning how my experience can somehow make a tiny dent in the life of another. It is all in process, just like it will always be. Each step, each thought, each action will always steer towards change.
Once you start shedding the layers of ingrained perceptions then life becomes much more clear. I started with the job, the house, the bills, the safety net of family and friends close by. The next step is the distractions, the Internet, the movies, the mindless reading, and thoughtless speaking. Maybe even turn the music down for a while. Everything becomes a little quieter. You can hear yourself a bit more because you are paying more attention. And that is really what counts.
So maybe torturing myself to sit in meditation 10 hours a day for 10 days in this Vipassana course might not be the answer. Perhaps it is a longer process. An Art of Living, as they say. Of course we must first learn to see clearly, into our own depths and to the vastness of the infinite before any true change can ever occur. If we never take the time to do this, to love ourselves enough to do this, than what can we ever effectively contribute?
With much gratitude, I write this and with much love, as if it were not for you it would not be possible. Your outstanding support, enthusiasm and blessings have paved my way. I only hope I can return the favor.
Now in doing the opposite of nothing, with nothing still in mind, I am off to trek the Annapurna Circuit of the mighty Himalayas for 24 days. Alone. But as we know, there is never really ‘alone’.
I never wrote about Gokarna and about Holi. But if you would like to see some Holi pictures I have made the album public for viewing. Hopefully you can see them by clicking this link-